analyze and process

i process things in a different way. first of all, i always analyze. it’s what i do and who i am. it’s how my brain works and for the most part, it’s a great thing. however, sometimes when i analyze i am a verbal processor, other times i’m an internal processor and finally i can be a written processor. the written processor in me is really why i decided to blog because it forces me to sit down and share with you what is on my mind. sometimes when i write something, i don’t realize that i think or feel something until it’s on paper (or in this case, a screen). isn’t that strange? but this written processor in me has seen it happen so often.

i love looking back over journals that i kept through my teenage years and review my own process of self discovery. through this process, i see a teenage girl who had a crush on so and so or made a big deal about something that i wanted to do but my parents wouldn’t let me and so on. but then there were gems of revelation/wisdom that i experienced and wrote about. these moments i can now review and remember with such clarity. the sad thing is, often times i’m still learning the same lesson or discovering anew the same thing that i discovered 10 or 15 years ago.

i don’t journal anymore. i got really sick of the word “i”. “i did this today…” or “i want…”. i felt so self absorbed. rarely did i write about the needs of others or ponder the world’s greatest issues like: starvation, lack of water, proper education for all or politics and how it impacts my life on a daily basis. i’m sure there aren’t many teenagers who would write about those things. but i wonder if i did keep a journal now, would i think about these things and analyze them? unfortunately, the honest truth is, it probably still wouldn’t happen.

all that said, this blog probably won’t be an avenue to explore my thoughts on the great plights of the world but I would anticipate it being less ego-centric than my journal as a teenager. i hope to share with you the little gems of wisdom that i will probably learn while writing the blog. more than anything though, i hope to stop for more than two seconds and reflect on the things going on around me and not move at lightning speed while missing all of the beautiful things that the Lord has so completely blessed me with. so there’s that. i’m doing this for me and not you. as a result, we can all confirm that i am, in fact, more ego-centric than i would like to think (i just realized that while writing). the end.

i thought the blog needed a picture and i feel like this creature today.